we spend evenings together

I haven't been a great sleeper since my Dad died over 7 years ago. It's like when he left us something broke inside of me. The nighttime is now when my mind becomes more active and my body tosses and turns like a petulant child, fighting fighting even though I'm exhausted. Some nights are easier than others, but lately things have been rough again. Trying pre-bed yoga, sleeptime tea, and reading myself tired. I am trying to enjoy the upswing of sleeplessness: the evenings spent in quiet, snuggling with my furball, Hemmy, wrapped in blankets, enjoying a view of the cold nights and bright moon and stars. I've even been slipping outside to smell the air. You know that smell. The pre-snow smell. 

My time with the moon led me back to Mary Oliver who always helps. She gets it...

"Moon and Water"
I wake and spend
the last hours
of darkness
with  no one

but the moon.
She listens
to my complaints
like the good

companion she is
and comforts me surely
with her light.
But she, like everyone,

has her own life.
So finally I understand
that she has turned away,
is no longer listening.

She wants me
to refold myself
into my own life.
And, bending close,

as we all dream of doing,
she rows with her white arms
through the dark water
which she adores.

--Mary Oliver


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