we spend evenings together

I haven't been a great sleeper since my Dad died over 7 years ago. It's like when he left us something broke inside of me. The nighttime is now when my mind becomes more active and my body tosses and turns like a petulant child, fighting fighting even though I'm exhausted. Some nights are easier than others, but lately things have been rough again. Trying pre-bed yoga, sleeptime tea, and reading myself tired. I am trying to enjoy the upswing of sleeplessness: the evenings spent in quiet, snuggling with my furball, Hemmy, wrapped in blankets, enjoying a view of the cold nights and bright moon and stars. I've even been slipping outside to smell the air. You know that smell. The pre-snow smell. 

My time with the moon led me back to Mary Oliver who always helps. She gets it...

"Moon and Water"

I wake and spend

the last hours

of darkness

with  no one

but the moon.

She listens

to my complaints

like the good

companion she is

and comforts me surely

with her light.

But she, like everyone,

has her own life.

So finally I understand

that she has turned away,

is no longer listening.

She wants me

to refold myself

into my own life.

And, bending close,

as we all dream of doing,

she rows with her white arms

through the dark water

which she adores.

--Mary Oliver