the dark sacred nights
Sitting and thinking of Paul tonight, I began to wonder if I will ever get to that day when I don't think of my Dad everyday any more. This October marked 3 years since my Dad died; 3 years since my life changed drastically in some ways. And I think of my Dad everyday still; grasp at things he used to say to us; cling to memories, especially the last conversations we had; fret over so many regrets; long to hear his infectious laugh, hear his encouragement, feel his love. I miss my Dad so much sometimes I don't think I can stand it. I never believed that the heart can actually ache--physically ache until you really believe it can split open and you'll be swallowed up in this horrible sadness. But that sensation does exist, and yet it also subsides. And we move on.
So, Dad, I hope you're listening wherever you are. I'm listening to our song and wishing you were here to dance with me.