alternative Secret Santa gifts

Secret Santa began yesterday at the Farm; names were drawn from a hat and we marched forth into the cold afternoon and possibly all pondered those ponderous pre-Christmas (Hannukah/Kwanza) thoughts about what to get our Secret Santees. We were instructed to try to not spend over $5 over the course of the week, which isn't too hard, but how to be clever and original? In years past I have given my Santee: poetry, candy, cookies and even a snowman, but what am I to do this year? Brainstorming, I have come up with a few ideas:
  • A "snake-coiled" brownie in a cellophane "holiday" baggy, with a note that says, "Santa's reindeer left this for you." Make sure the brownie has corn pressed into it...everyone knows reindeer LOVE corn.
  • A stripper who pops out of a lifesized fruit cake, sings Christmas carols and has a mischieviously placed candy cane. WINK!
  • Someone dressed like a snowman who will pose on the persons' front lawn. When your Santee comes home and thinks, "oh, my Secret Santa must have made this snowman for me," the snowman will then tackle the person, facewash them and scream "Merry Christmas," before running off.
  • A vintage leg lamp...hmm...this might cost more than $5.
  • Smutty romance novels. I always see tons of these at the Dollar Tree in town. Nothing says the holidays like a bare chested man posing like Conan the Barbarian.
  • These.
Now my only question is which one do I do for tomorrow?

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