I need a cat and glasses-IT'S OVER!
Wow. It feels strange. When I started this program just over a year ago I felt like I would never be able to say that. And looking back now I can't believe how fast the time has gone, especially, mercifully this last semester.
My best friend L asked me if I was excited--when I called her Saturday afternoon to say that I had submitted my last paper--excitement isn't the word I would use. Glad that it's over--certainly, but there are so many things to think about. I feel tired more than anything. It is amazing that I could do all nighters with no sleep a few times a week to get all my papers and projects done, but now that everything is turned in I can't believe I ever was able to do that. All I want to do is have a serious Rip Van Winkle and catch up and then, maybe after all the sleep the excitement will settle in.
Maybe there has been no time for excitement. I feel like too much life has happened this semester. Death, Graduation, Finding a new job, possibly moving again. Oh, argh, why can't I just find a nice little hole...and marry a Hobbit...and...wha? I tried to shluff off the stress and celebrate Saturday night by going to Boogie Fever and hanging out with bro Andy and friends: Married K & Joe Black, Chris, Miss Cellaneous, Megan, Stac, A.E., George, Tom, Adele, Christina, Dave, and Nathan! Am I forgetting anyone!? All friends who were brave enough to chance the weather--thanks! Miss Cellaneous gets the prize for farthest traveled--she came all the way from Davison! Miss Cellaneous and I met last fall when we started the program and she has been a great friend through the process--thanks Miss Cellaneous! Woot Woot!
Being the nerdy little Librarian--oh my God, I am not a library science student anymore. I AM A FREAKING LIBRARIAN!! I feel like Pinocchio--"I'm a real boy!" Whoa, I need to get a cat and a pair of glasses stat, good thing my hair is already in a bun today--I decided to look up symptoms of "Stress "today because I want to make sure that I am not infact losing my mind and that there is a reason for how I have felt lately. Then after reading some of the symptoms (found here) and having a good laugh I decided that I was going to add a new paragraph to my resume to highlight all of the new abilities that I have recently acquired:
- Memory problems
- Inability to concentrate
- Trouble thinking clearly
- Poor judgment
- Seeing only the negative
- Anxious or racing thoughts
- Constant worrying
- Loss of objectivity
- Fearful anticipation
- Short temper
- Inability to relax
- Sense of loneliness and isolation
- General unhappiness
- Headaches or backaches
- Muscle tension and stiffness
- Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
- Weight gain
- Skin breakouts (hives, eczema)
- Eating more or less
- Sleeping too little
- Isolating yourself from others
- (this one's my favorite) Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
- Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting)
- Teeth grinding
- Picking fights with others
Yes, I always imagined myself this proud Graduate, beaming with an air of intelligence, and now, apparently I am a creepy, fight picking, isolated, nubbed down nail having, weirdo, sitting along scratching her eczemated skin, while rocking back and forth remembering what I was going to do today, all while grinding my teeth into a cigarette and craddling a bottle of Jack Daniels. Ah, school really brings out the shining star in all of us. :)
Jesus, I have turned into Bob Wiley.
So today, I wanted to read something peaceful, so I hunted up Rita Dove poetry to shake me out of my funk and I found the perfect poem.
"The Snow King” by Rita Dove
In a far far land where men are men
and women are sun and sky
The Snow King paces. And light throws
a gold patina on the white spaces
where sparrows lie frozen in hallways.
And he weeps for the sparrows, their clumped feathers:
Where is the summer that lasts forever,
with night as soft as antelope eyes?
The Snow King roams the lime-filled spaces
his cracked heart a slow fire, a garnet.
Alright, I have jabbered on enough. This Librarian has things to do. My circle time reading group of storm troopers will be here any minute!