self-knowledge

Winter seems a time for thinking deep thoughts. Stumbled across this today and wanted to post it:

Self-Knowledge

And a man said, Speak to us of Self-Knowledge.
And he answered saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."
Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
 
~ Kahlil Gibran

trying to deserve my friends

I was all prepared to go to bed when something compelled me to read through old blogs. I stumbled upon this old posting by TSO.Yes, TSO is my roommate, and yes, I see him everyday and talk to him all the time, but I miss reading his interesting and insightful looks at life, and found this posting struck a chord in me tonight. I am not sure what struck this clunky, marbly sounding chord that is now lolling around in my brain at this late hour; maybe it was TSO taking into stock all the things he'd accomplished in his travels abroad; or if it was how he demanded a revelation of himself; or maybe it was just the comment that I left, my reply to his post--advice I'd forgotten I'd given...? Who knows?

Whatever it was, reading TSO's blog made me want to take stock of the good things in my life; made me particularily aware of the best thing in my life. I am so blessed to have such great people in my life. I have been thinking of this very fact a lot lately as our friend CJ rejoined the Farm last week, taking on his old role (sort of?), working alongside B1 and TSO. It is in reflecting on CJ's return that I find myself taking stock in the relationships and the family I've created for myself here. I am thinking about how the lives of the people I am honored to call Farm family initially touched one anothers and how we've become interwoven; this brilliant and colorful tapestry. When I left the Farm, over 4 years ago, I left behind some of the best friends anyone could ever ask for, and now, as I look around, I find myself once again surrounded by these same wonderful people; moving forward, supporting one another.

I think it was Uncle Walt (Whitman) who said it best,
"I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I do not believe I deserved my friends."

what my pen has glean'd

Watching Bright Star, a movie about a love affair involving John Keats; only half way through it and these are my thought so far:

1. Cool! I found out my friend Kirsti's sis and nephew are extras in it with ACTUAL on screen time!
2. Still not sure what I think about the movie yet, but the scenes are stunningly lovely. There are scenes where Fanny and John are walking through fields of flowers--scenes which speak as much poetry as Keats' words.
3. I love hearing Keats' poetry spoken in the movie.

Here is a link to a trailer.

And here is a link to a poem:

"When I have fears that I may cease to be"

When I have fears that I may cease to be

my pen has glean’d my teeming brain,

Before high piled books, in charact’ry

Hold like rich garners , the full-repen’d grain;

When I behold, upon the night’s starr’d face,

Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,

And think that I may never live to trace

Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;

And when I feel, fair creature of an hour!

That I shall never look upon thee more,

Never have relish in the faery power

Of unreflecting love!—then on the shore

Of the wide world I stand alone, and think

Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

~ John Keats

whaaa...?!?

Some have called this wildly innappropriate, some have called it culturally insensitive, some have said that it's, "just plain wrong." I call it ridiculously hysterical. This picture made me laugh and laugh and then laugh some more.

I don't know who to thank for this...err...stunning image, but I found it here. All I'm saying is I wouldn't be using this for your annual Christmas card guys! 

parcel study in Detroit Rock City

Came across an interesting article about a recent Parcel Survey which took place in Detroit. The whole article is here, but also wanted to share these statistics from the article:

By the numbers:

• 26% of the city's residential parcels are vacant lots
• 95% of Detroit homes are deemed suitable for occupancy
• 9% of homes are generally in need of minor repair
• 86% of Detroit's single-family homes are in good condition

~ Detroit Residential Parcel Survey

The study would suggest that there is still hope for Detroit.

Also props to the Wayne State staff who worked on this. WSU is my grad school alma mater.

Also, and SUPER unrelated, thought this was a fun read. I LOVE NPR!

aphrodisiacs and Moonstruck

Tonight TSO, JBean, S and I went to the Mahaiwe Theater in Great Barrington for a lecture on aphrodisiacs, given by food historian, Francine Segan, which was followed by a showing of the movie Moonstruck starring Cher and Nicolas Cage.

Ten interesting things which I learned about aphrodisiacs are:

1. In ancient times it was thought that foods which resembled a body part would help stimulate that part of the body; i.e. bananas, asparagus and cucumbers were considered aphrodisiacs.
2. Strawberries and Raspberries were referred to as "nipple fruits."
3. Certain "hot" spices were considered to stimulate the body in the same way in which they stimulated the mouth, so spices like pepper, nutmeg, cinnamon and later things like chili pepper were considered aphrodisiacs.
4. The scent which most women react to the strongest is vanilla.
5. In ancient Egypt the slaves working on things like the pyramids were given rations of garlic because it was considered a stimulant that lengthened life.
6. Some major aphrodisiacs were: fruits (raspberries, strawberries, fig), but also nuts, honey and wine.
7. Since carrots were considered a sign of a penis (which is a sign of life), King Henry VIII allegedly planted carrots in his garden to ensure an heir.
8. Some cultures consider things like Rhino horns and antlers aphrodisiacs.
9. Since things like frog and turtle eggs are thought to resemble sperm, they are considered aphrodisiacs in some cultures.
10. Cassanova is given credit for furthering chocolate's reputation as an aphrodisiac; Cassanova spoke of its use as a food great in foreplay, and also spoke of its divine powers.

After the lecture, and before the movie showing, we were herded down to the basement of the gorgeous Mahaiwe to sample Italian desserts--since who knows love better and combines aphrodisiac chocolates and hazelnuts and all kinds of goodies like the Italians?! So good. My favorite dessert was the chocolate covered hazelnuts...mmmm...

Anyway, the movie was great. I'd never seen Moonstruck, probably since I was only 7 when it came out and probably also due to the fact that Nicolas Cage is in it, and I can't stand Nicolas Cage. But HOLY CATS!! If there were ever a part better suited to Nicolas Cage I don't know what it would be! The movie was great; a fun glance into Cher's ridiculous Catholic Italian American family and a NYC of the 80s! Cher was great, Olympia Dukakiss was great, Nicolas Cage was great, the dialogue was great and even the annoying guy behind us who needed to talk sporadically throughout the movie (*PET PEEVE*) didn't ruin the movie for me.

Being a questioner of love, especially the mushy, fluffy Hollywood-ified version of love as a seamless and perfect thing, I thought that the best part of the movie was when Ronny says to Loretta:

"Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!"

The night was great. We extricated ourselves from NYC of the 1980s; walked away from the Mahaiwe, who's lights shined on the street below; hurried through the snowy, cold night to my car, and in no time found ourselves back at the Farm.

in honor of national singles awareness day

A poem:

I do but ask that you be always fair
That I forever may continue kind;
Knowing me what I am, you should not dare
To lapse from beauty ever, nor seek to bind
My alterable mood with lesser cords;
Weeping and such soft matters must invite
To further vagrancy; and bitter words
Chafe soon to irremediable flight,
Wherefore I pray you if you love me dearly,
Less dear to hold me than your own bright charms,
Whence it may fall that until death, or nearly,
I shall not move to struggle from your arms:
Fade if you must,--I would but bid you be
Like the sweet year, doing all things graciously.

~ Edna St. Vincent Millay

winter reads

Stumbled across this article on Facebook, "Wintery Literature for a Snowy Day," which got me to thinking of some books/poems which have good/intense/interesting winter scenes. I came up with:

• Snowy Day, Ezra Jack Keats 
  This was on the NPR list, but I had to put it on mine too because it was one of my ABSOLUTE favorites as a kid. I remember reading this (once I'd learned to read) over and over again. I loved the pictures. Thanks EJK!
• Bear snores on, Karma WilsonWhen I used to do weekly storytime with the Pre-K kids, they all LOVED this book.
• The Mitten, Jan BrettMy niece, Monster S loved Jan Brett books when she was a little younger. The pics are gorgeous, and each page helps set up the action that will take place on the next page.
• The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, C.S. Lewis  
  I still get a thrill each time I reread this and Lucy Pevensie walks into snowy Narnia.
• My side of the mountain, Jean Craighead George 
  I loved this book when I was a kid; that Sam could learn how to care for himself in the wild and survive a winter--things I aspired to.
• The Golden Compass, Philip PullmanOne of the coolest scenes in the book was with Iorek Byrnison and the Mulefa bears.
• Uncle Tom's Cabin, Harriet Beecher Stowe  
  I will always remember how my heart pounded when I read about Eliza trying to escape across the frozen lake!
• Ethan Frome, Edith WhartonWowza, that story packs a wintry punch.
• And I also found this lovely stanza in
  T. Roethke's "The Far Field,""I dream of journeys repeatedly:
  Of flying like a bat deep into a narrowing tunnel
  Of driving alone, without luggage, out a long peninsula,
  The road lined with snow-laden second growth,
  A fine dry snow ticking the windshield,
  Alternate snow and sleet, no on-coming traffic,
  And no lights behind, in the blurred side-mirror,
  The road changing from glazed tarface to a rubble of stone,
  Ending at last in a hopeless sand-rut,
  Where the car stalls,
  Churning in a snowdrift
  Until the headlights darken..."
• And last, but not least, this poem,
  "Winter Sleep," Mary Oliver
  
  If I could I would
  Go down to winter with the drowsy she-bear,
  Crawl with her under the hillside
  And lie with her, cradled.  Like two souls
  In a patchwork bed --
  Two old sisters familiar to each other
  As cups in a cupboard --
  We would burrow into the yellow leaves
  To shut out the sounds of the winter wind.
  
  Deep in that place,
  among the roots
  Of sumac, oak, and wintergreen,
  We would remember the freedoms of summer,
  And we would begin to breathe together --
  Hesitant as singers in the wings --
  A shy music,
  Oh, a very soft song.
  
  While pines cracked in the snow above,
  And seeds froze in the ground, and rivers carried
  a dark roof in their many blue arms,
  We would sleep and dream.
  We would wake and tell
  How we longed for spring.
  Smiles on our faces, limbs around each other,
  We would turn and turn
  Until we heard our lips in unison singing
  
  The family name.

one thought leads to another

As I hear about the snow that is being dumped all over parts of the East and the Midwest and well, everywhere it seems, I look at our blank canvas wondering if we really will get the forecasted snow. I like winter, but I am ready for spring at this point. Reading this article by Friend of the Farmer made me long for summer, when the Farm's gardens are in full bloom and the Kitchen is reaping the enormous bountiful benefits by way of vegetables and fruits up the wazoo. Winter at the Farm is a time when I am reminded of how much I miss fresh Farm grown produce; forced to remember as I lean into the freezer and paw with cold fingers, pulling out bags of processed and frozen Farm veggies.

Thinking of supporting local got me to thinking about our cows, (this is beginning to sound like If you give a mouse a cookie), actually one in particular, Sasha--who was one of the cows I learned to milk on about 6 years ago!--who was just taken to the slaughterhouse. It seemed strange, while milking on Sunday afternoon, to walk to her stall, only to find a new cow in her place. There seemed something almost sacrilegious about her place in the line being filled so quickly; that there was no mourning time. Funny how we grow so accustomed to certain things; sights, sounds, familiar faces--yes, even cow faces. Anyway, my mind is tired and muddled. All this thinking of cows led me to this. Ah, my beloved Billy Collins.

"Afternoon with Irish Cows"

There were a few dozen who occupied the field
across the road from where we lived,
stepping all day from tuft to tuft,
their big heads down in the soft grass,
though I would sometimes pass a window
and look out to see the field suddenly empty
as if they had taken wing, flown off to another country.

Then later, I would open the blue front door,
and again the field would be full of their munching
or they would be lying down
on the black-and-white maps of their sides,
facing in all directions, waiting for rain.
How mysterious, how patient and dumbfounded
they appear in the long quiet of the afternoon.

But every once in a while, one of them
would let out a sound so phenomenal
that I would put down the paper
or the knife I was cutting an apple with
and walk across the road to the stone wall
to see which one of them was being torched
or pierced through the side with a long spear.

Yes, it sounded like pain until I could see
the noisy one, anchored there on all fours,
her neck outstretched, her bellowing head
laboring upward as she gave voice
to the rising, full-bodied cry
that began in the darkness of her belly
and echoed up through her bowed ribs into her gaping mouth.

Then I knew that she was only announcing
the large, unadulterated cowness of herself,
pouring out the ancient apologia of her kind
to all the green fields and the gray clouds,
to the limestone hills and the inlet of the blue bay,
while she regarded my head and shoulders
above the wall with one wild, shocking eye.

~ Billy Collins

library articles #329

Library cuts in NY

Look out Google and Apple

Joyce Carol Oates, Annie Proulx, Alice Walker, Robert Penn Warren and John Updike, and more banned in Texas prisons.

Warren, MI library branches may close  This one hits very close to home. This is the city that my best friend L lives in; her kids love the Warren libraries!

swirls of paint and poetry

I got the stomach bug and woke up with it yesterday at 3:30am. This is not how I imagined I would be spending my weekend. Being sick here at the Farm reminds me of how great living in community can be. As I lay in bed yesterday feeling like the Devil was trying to get out of my body, not only did roomies TSO and RugbyGirl check in on me, so did S and CJ, and Mummy Dearest via the phone, and then Amos came and kept both me and TSO company today as we recouped. Community is swell sometimes.

Being sick this weekend made me think about the positive sides--is there a positive side, you say?--Umm...the Mary Poppins in me says yes, well, let's see: getting sick means being snatched by surprise and forced to lay low; catching up on a good book; watching a few movies; napping; finishing the first season of Mad Men.

Being sick also means reading poetry. Falling into some Pablo Neruda poetry today made me make this weird connection with Marc Chagall. This poem, "In my sky at twilight," reminded me of the Chagall painting, La Mariee (the bride).

"In my sky at twilight"

In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud

and your form and colour are the way I love them.

You are mine, mine, woman with sweet lips
and in your life my infinite dreams live.


The lamp of my soul dyes your feet,
the sour wine is sweeter on your lips,

oh reaper of my evening song,

how solitary dreams believe you to be mine!

You are mine, mine, I go shouting it to the afternoon's

wind, and the wind hauls on my widowed voice.

Huntress of the depth of my eyes, your plunder

stills your nocturnal regard as though it were water.


You are taken in the net of my music, my love,
and my nets of music are wide as the sky.
My soul is born on the shore of your eyes of mourning.
In your eyes of mourning the land of dreams begin.

~ Pablo Neruda

the bucket list for 30

I will be 30 years old this October. Holy cats! That sounds so old *insert grumbling of people over 30 here.* I know, I know, I just, well, I guess we all imagine we will be doing certain things by certain ages...Anyway, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about sending my twenties out with a bang, or at least an effort of some sort, and have come up with 30 things that I would like to do by the end of the year. Nothing too thrilling; I am not really the sky diving, bungee jumping sort, well, maybe I will be as I come up on 40...?

Anyway, call them goals, ambitions, dreams, hopes, wishes, aspirations, whatever; I have a mission. I suppose I will periodically write to tell of my (mis)adventures as I pursue my "30 for 30." Wish me luck!

• Clean our basement  Farm houses are old and while ours is very cool, our basement looks a little Sandford & Son-ish, with remnants left behind by the last few families that have come and gone. This seems a little easier said than done to me. Our basement is creepy as hell. It kinda reminds me of that basement from Silence of the Lambs. Yep, and it has dirt floors...maybe I will just imagine that I am going on some kind of archaeological dig--holy Jesus, I better not find any bones down there! YIKES!
• Paintball  Never done, always wanted to. Recently found a place that does paintball relatively nearby. I can only imagine how this will roll. I kinda picture myself freaking out since I don't like being chased. I think I still have rugburn on my knees from an ill fated, spazz moment during a Laser Tag game back in 1992.
• Cruise  This dream has been realized. Our tickets have been purchased for the cruise. Now we just need to get our flight and hotel booked and it is off to the Carribean we will go!
• Read 30 books by the end of the year
• Hike all of the trails on the Farm I think if I am remembering correctly there are 18 hiking trails around the Farm property. I think I have been on four so far (roommate RugbyGirl helped me out--taking me on two new ones this week!)
• Read more poetry
• Watch the Godfather I & II  I know, I know. Seems UnAmerican, or UnPacino or something. Tried to do GFI but kept getting interrupted. If I don't watch both of these I am pretty sure my best friend L is going to disown me.
• Go clubbing (out here)  Some of the Farm girls and I have been tryiong to set something up since October. I will see this dream realized.
• Get everyone to go karaoke
• Make it through Life Aquatic without falling asleep
• Go to Minute Man National Park 
• Go to Cape Cod, Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket  Been wanting to visit all three of these places since I was a teenager and Massachusetts sounded exotic or exciting...
• Go to more of the museums nearby 
• Get through The Fountainhead  Maybe the second time around will be easier.
• Grow sunflowers I love sunflowers and really, really, really want to grow them this year.
• Read War and Peace 
• Philadelphia  Never been to the City of Brotherly Love and it's not too far from the Farm, so a weekend away has to happen.
• Library Job (PT or subbing or even volunteering)
• Have a Breakfast at Tiffany’s night in NYC (stay up all night partying and then walk around outside, looking in storefront windows while eating a doughnut and drinking coffee). Sounds classy, I know. Something I have always wanted to do since the first time that I saw the movie.
• Go camping  Even though I did camp in Nova Scotia with TSO this past October, I want the real summer experience of camping without having internet or bathrooms nearby.
• Publish a poem
• Get a first draft of a book done
• Get my photos in order
• Pick up a hitch hiker  X MISSION ACCOMPLISHED  The Farm is located in the middle of nowhere, hippy country. During the summer especially we see lots of hikers and I have always wanted to pick one up. I did it last week. Charma, wherever you are, thanks for helping me check something off the list.
• Organize my entire iTunes Library
• Submit something for publication in a library magazine
• Lose two dress sizes
• Get involved at the parish I attend here
• Read the Bible more
• Become a better pen pal to my brother while he is overseas

still a Librarian, maybe?

I have glimmers of my old life as a Librarian; moments which make my small, Grinch-like heart begin to grow. These moments happen in the simple: being asked for book suggestions, reading stories to the Farm kids or Monster Niece and Nephew S&A (when I am in MI), or even being asked to loan books (my personal library has become the source of "check-outs," for about 4 other farmers.)

One of the teams on the Farm begins each day by reading; they just returned Travels with Charley--one of my personal favorites--and swapped it for The Great Gatsby. I have been asked to come up with a list of other books which might keep the attention of our guests and am currently working on that. *sigh* Good to still feel like a Librarian.

**Unrelated, but more important is the fact that I have two new blog followers: Pauline, a coworker at the Farm and Gabrielle of Hauteintheheartland. Apparently Gabrielle is also a former Michigander! Welcome Ladies. I always appreciate having new readers!**