Another great thing about Woot.com (aside from the fact that they sold me my new laptop mad cheap--$264), is that the Woot-ians also come up with clever descriptions for their products. Today's great catch is a set of Star Wars bobbly heads--I know, I know, not quite as cool as a cheap laptop!) The description reads,
"Bobble bobble, toil and trouble.
CLAUDIUS: So let me see if I’m following you. We’re trying to prepare for an invasion because of a perceived weakness after the death of your father, the king, and you want us to take a few hours off to watch a play that you wrote?
HAMLET: Aye, my lord.
GERTRUDE: It would mean so much to him, darling.
CLAUDIUS: Okay, what the hell. Do we need to go anywhere or can we just stay here in the kitchen?
HAMLET: Here’s fine, my lord, I’ve got everything I need with me now.
CLAUDIUS: Hold up. Are those Star Wars Bobbleheads?
HAMLET: Aye, my lord, the actors.
CLAUDIUS: So we’re gonna be watching you play with dolls?
HAMLET: The play’s the thing, my lord.
CLAUDIUS: Did you buy him those?
GERTRUDE: Be gentle with him, darling, he’s always been a bit special.
CLAUDIUS: Ah, hell. Let’s just get this over with.
HAMLET: Act one, my lord. In which 4-Lom and Bossk meet a Tie Fighter Pilot on the edge of the muirs.
CLAUDIUS: What the hell are muirs? Is this about Lando?
GERTRUDE: They’re like a swamp, darling, only for english majors.
CLAUDIUS: Why isn’t Yoda there, then? He’s all about swamps.
GERTRUDE: Muirs, darling.
HAMLET: My lord, Yoda has been murdered. The Tie Fighter Pilot has been sent to inform 4-Lom and Bossk.
CLAUDUS: It hasn’t even started yet and I can’t follow a damn thing. Who’s got a beer? Can’t a king get a beer in his own damn castle?
CLAUDIUS: What in the hell is she wearing? Is that some goth fishnet crap? Good god, son, you need to date a cheerleader or something. Your mother babies you too much.
OPHELIA: O, what a noble mind is here o’erthrown! The courtier’s, soldier’s, scholar’s-
CLAUDIUS: Yap, yap, yap. Is this part of the damn play? Where’s that Skywalker guy? I want to see him get kicked in the teeth.
HAMLET: My lord, pray ye observe now the entrance of Luke Skywalker and Ham Solo, two gentlemen of-
CLAUDIUS: Ham Solo? You’ve been on the Internet too much, kid. It’s Han! Luke and Han!
GERTRUDE: Darling, it’s symbolic. He’s projecting himself into the play.
CLAUDIUS: Projecting? What kind of damn fool kid are you raising? Why doesn’t he just walk over there and act instead of playing with dolls?
OPHELIA: And I, of ladies most deject and wretched, that suck’d the honey of his music vows-
CLAUDIUS: Oh. My. God. Listen, Siouxie, nobody wants to hear about how much you suck! Okay, Ham, this little Star Wars Bobblety-boo thing is great and all, but I got things to do. Is there some twist ending or something? What’s the point here?
GERTRUDE: Darling, I think he’s accusing you of killing his father and also demanding revenge.
CLAUDIUS: A wuss like Hamlet is doing all that? Is that true, Ham? You mannin’ up at last?
HAMLET stabs CLAUDIUS
CLAUDIUS: See, now that’s a damn fine way for a man to act. Damn fine. Too bad you missed all the important bits. Didn’t you ever learn how to stab a guy? What did your mother teach you?
OPHELIA: Blasted with ecstasy: O, woe is me, to have seen what-
CLAUDIUS: Nobody cares! Ham, really, are you gonna let this go so we can get on with taking over Norway? You and me, we could rule the world as father and son. Just put down the bobbleheads and talk to me. Huh? We okay? Ready to kick a little Norwegian butt?
HAMLET: My lord…
CLAUDIUS: Huh? You and me? Kings of the world? Sounds pretty good, right?
HAMLET: Your beer, my lord.
CLAUDIUS: Smart boy, smart boy. Hey, listen, kid, maybe I was a little hard on you. Tell you what, why don’t we dump off your mom and Stevie Nicks over there at the hair salon and you and me go down to Ye Old Topless Joint and have a few… did you put poison in this beer?
HAMLET: Aye, my lord.
CLAUDIUS: Kid, I’m beginning to like you more and more."
So, if you are looking for stuff, or just some entertaining blurbs about products from the useful to the obscure, check out Woot.com.