- Employee didn’t want to lose the parking space in front of his house.
- Employee hit a turkey while riding a bike.
- Employee said he had a heart attack early that morning, but that he was “all better now.”
- Employee donated too much blood.
- Employee’s dog was stressed out after a family reunion.
- Employee was kicked by a deer.
- Employee contracted mono after kissing a mailroom intern at the company holiday party and suggested the company post some sort of notice to warn others who may have kissed him.
- Employee swallowed too much mouthwash.
- Employee’s wife burned all his clothes and he had nothing to wear to work.
- Employee’s toe was injured when a soda can fell out of the refrigerator.
Employee was up all night because the police were investigating the death of someone discovered behind her house.
- Employee’s psychic told her to stay home.
Some other equally lame excuses that I have heard in my years include:
- My kids are sick.
- My cat is sick. (Maybe the dog can stay at home with him and hold his mane back for him! Aren't these the "independent" animals that don't "need" us. Well "Independent Street" runs two ways...East and West!)
- I hit a cow.
- I used the batteries from my alarm clock for my vibrator and forgot to put them back...so I overslept.
- There is no heat in my apartment (EXACTLY! Whole lotta good it is doing for you to sit there...where it is COLD...when we have HEAT in the office!)
- I have the flu. (Violent diarrhea, smiolent diarrhea. We have toilets here too.)